Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
