Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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