Just took my morning after pill in the library
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
