okay pat passed out under dana's car
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
