You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I am mentally ready for anal.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
