When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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