I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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