ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
my shit smells like andre
No more Irish car bombs ever.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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