I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
