I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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