I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
