You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She told me I should be a condom model.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
