My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
