I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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