Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
