Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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