We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
