I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
