i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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