Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
