he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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