Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
