its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
