to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
