Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
