Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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