I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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