He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
