are you so shy because you have an std?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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