What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
