This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My ass is underappreciated
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
