Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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