dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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