I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
