I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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