I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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