I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
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I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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