Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
did i just pee glitter
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