wakey wakey hands off snakey
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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