I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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