this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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