Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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