bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
