bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
