It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
