you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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