Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
