i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
