oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
