he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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