I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
