Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
