I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
