you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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