Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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