If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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