We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
