M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
