just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
