I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
