i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
