Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
