We won't sleep together?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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