I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
How does it feel to date your dad?
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