I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
