Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
