garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
home. puking in laundry basket.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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