O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
