My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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