I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
