wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
