The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize