I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
