rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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