tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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