JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
