if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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