Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
