im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
