Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize