I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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