Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
