WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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