You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
