i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize