After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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